Jesus' composition
What do you think about the government´s new law?
Last year in our country, the government passed a new law. This law is that teenagers under sixteen can abort without parental permission.
The abortion issue is very serious because a baby's life is at stake. Every year the schools will give us a few people to talk about sex and what precautions i take to avoid disease and unwanted pregnancies. However, there are still young people who ignore these precautions and get an unwanted pregnancy, then the girl starts to mourn for not knowing how to tell your parents.
This law aims to help young people in these situations.
In my opinion, I think that the parents would have to know that your daughter is or has been pregnant.
Firstly, I have to say that I agree with you. But I have found some mistakes as for example you haven't done a good structure and in addition, you have written in the first line that " teenagers UNDER sixteen can abort " but I think that are teenagers OVER sixteen ".
ResponderEliminarVirginia Belmonte.
jesus, your writing is too short, you have to work more and you will get better results
ResponderEliminarJesus,your composition is really short. In addition you don't have separate the differents parts,in other words: the structure isn't clair.
ResponderEliminarIn addition, I've found these mistakes:
-the government passed a new law--> the government APPROVED a new law ( it sounds better)
- This law is that teenagers under sixteen can abort without parental permission.--> This law is about that..
-Every year the schools..--> Every year schools ( remember that you are talking in general)
-..will give us a few people to talk..--> shcools sign some people to talk..
I think that the composition is so short anda it don't have the necesary number of words. He also has failed saying: ¨government passed a new law.¨ instead of ¨improve a new law.¨ And: ¨I think that the parents would have to know¨ instead of ¨I think that parents should know¨
ResponderEliminarAngel Valero
Remember: In a opinion essay, you have to give your opinion in the first paragraph and reinforce your opinion in the following paragraphs and finally, summarize your opinion.
ResponderEliminarIt's very short and It isn't exacly a opinion essay, you should work better and make a efford and to improve. The PAU is very near... However, I agree with you. I think that if you are responsible, you will be in the causes. An advise, you should read the last pages of the students' book.
ResponderEliminarMy comment is the same that in the Mario's composicion.
ResponderEliminarIn my opinion this law is a stupid. If a girl is violated, she risk runs or the fetus is bad, it is normal that abort. But if a girl is the irresponsible, must assume the consequences.
Paula Guirao Grau.
ResponderEliminarWell...Your composition isn't good ...but I don't know that to say because my classmateshave said it all.
If you want to do and to pass the PAU,you have to work more!
Firstly, as my classmates have said, your composition is very short. I have found mistakes as : "This law is that"->"This law says that".Also, I think that you shouldn't use translator.
ResponderEliminar