lunes, 23 de abril de 2012

Joaquin's Composition

Nowadays the people in Spain are living a situacion critical. There has always been stress in the cities and life is more expensive than before. The financial crisis causes:

The small companys are very affected because they have to fire employers, they don´t sell to much produts and they sell it in low cost. Those companys are close to the foreign market because those companys don´t have much money. The crisis causes that there are now five millions of unemployed, a lot of people live in the poverty a lot of graduates have to go out of the country to be able to work and progress in they career. 


Finally, a lot of company have disappeared because of the lethal crisis. The crisis have affected to public administration.

22 comentarios:

  1. I think that the composition is so short, he must write more, but is not so bad and he has not fail at spealling

    Angel

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  2. This redaction this perfect

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  3. la redaccion es un poco corta, pero el tema es interesante
    y la estructura esta bien organizada
    R.G.C

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  4. jajajaja seguro que el anonimo ha sido joaquin que crack ! bueno al tema ! :
    joaquin good writing, but I think you should try harder, you can give more than you. luck in this evaluation!

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  5. i know my coponsition is very short , and respose imanol he self-confessed to my that he write that This redaction this perfect raul

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  6. jajajajajajaj!! this redaction is very short but the idea of paragraphs and use the vocabulary seem that they are well

    By: ADRIAN PLAZA ;D¡

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  7. The composition is short msr. Joaquin and I don't know where is the estruture
    Marco Saz Garcia

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  8. I agree with you Joaquin. On the other hand, your composition is very short and you have to usar more conectors

    ALEJANDRO SANCHEZ GRACIA

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  9. Your writing is very short and does not follow the structure. Your content is true but your writing is weak. Carolina

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  10. Your composition is very short, I think that you should have written more. Instead of "The financial crisis causes: " you could say: "The financial crisis has caused some consequences in our country. In the following lines we will analyse this consequences." It's an exemple...The last paragraph I think that could be better as "In addition, a lot of company..." and write other conclusion with your opinion about the topic.

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  11. I think that your composition is short and that isn't good structurated. If the composition is a opinion essay, you have to write your opinion since the first paragraph and you haven't to write the causes... Well, I think too that you can do best.

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  12. I like the composicion but is very short.

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  13. Merche Alcaina Hidalgo25 de abril de 2012 a las 21:57

    Well, my dear cousin, your composition is very short and you Know it. You had to explain more your opinion in general because the end is bad. In addition finish a composition with one line...
    Next time I'm sure you will do it better.

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  14. I believe that this topic is interesting and for this reason, you should have profited more it. In addition, your compostion is very short and I have found a mistake: " The crisis have affected " - " The crisis has* affected ".

    Virginia Belmonte.

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  15. I believe that this topic is interesting , Joaquin has written very little for this topic , I think that you should have written more also you can use more conectors . I have found a mistake: " The crisis have affected " - " The crisis has* affected ".
    EMILIO

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  16. The composition of joaquin has a good vocabulary and is well structured. However I think he might have written more.

    JESUS VERA

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  17. This one structured well though it is sorht!!
    hala madrid jeje

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  18. Claudia Alcaina Espinosa26 de abril de 2012 a las 1:07

    Joaquin has reason great in everything what he says. The this crisis taking Spain to the worst moments of the country with a quantity very raised of unemployed people. With regard to the composition I see a bit scant but well structured.

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  19. *Nowadays the people in Spain are living a situacion critical* you should have put this:
    -> Nowadays the people in Spain are living a critical situacion
    Try to make the composition longer. All in all, you've put the essential ideas, what is good.
    As the composition is an opinion essay, you have to put what do you think about this topic, express your opinion. Well done!

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  20. Well, im going to say that this composition it's not good at all, but according to the level, it could be admited. I can see some comprehension faults as the one Mario has said before, the composition is very short for a PAU level and you will have to improve if you want to pass the exam.

    Asensio

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  21. First, the composion is very short although is very interesting.
    The structure is invented.. Joaquinico, I think that the conclusion could be more long and you opinion more clear ¡¡
    Rafa Bernabe ¡

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  22. -I don't understand: "there has always been stress in the cities"
    -The small companIES … to fire EMPLOYEES (employers es empresario)
    -they don't sell TOO MANY PRODUCTS and they sell THEM AT LOW PRICES
    -a lot of people live IN POVERTY AND a lot
    -the crisis HAS AFFECTED THE PUBLIC ADMINSTRATION TOO.

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